Divorce can be an emotionally charged and challenging journey for anyone. When children are involved, the stakes are much higher.
If you are a divorced parent worried about how the dissolution of your marriage will affect your children, you’re not alone.
At Schwam-Wilcox & Associates, we practice in Collaborative Law and traditional Family Law which includes Dissolution of Marriage cases, Modifications, Relocations and Paternity actions in Florida (among other areas). We aim to guide you through this difficult period, ensuring your children’s interests remain at the forefront.
We’ll explore the importance of collaborative law, mediation, and their role in safeguarding your children’s future. By the end, you’ll understand how to navigate divorce while prioritizing your children’s well-being.
Table of Contents
The impact of divorce on children
Your child's perspective
From your child’s viewpoint, divorce is an unexpected and unwanted event thrust upon them by the adults. It causes confusion and anxiety as they grapple with sudden changes to their family dynamics.
Statistics show that children aged seven to fourteen are more likely to develop behavioral problems following their parents’ divorce. Children lack the emotional and life experience to process divorce as adults do, making them particularly vulnerable to the turbulence that often accompanies such proceedings.
Children have an innate desire to maintain harmonious relationships with both parents.
Shielding your child from harmful information and emotional turmoil surrounding divorce is important for their emotional well-being.
Avoid negative comments about the other parent. This includes engaging in dialogue or attempting to turn your child against their other parent. This also includes precluding others from disparaging the other parent to or in front of the children. Children hearing negativity about one parent by the parent, or allowing others to disparage a parent can cause emotional harm to your child.
Instead, creating a supportive environment where children maintain positive relationships with both parents, will promote a sense of security, continuity, and safety for your children. Open and positive communication is necessary for effective co-parenting. It helps ensure parental responsibilities are met and fosters a successful time-sharing arrangement without stress and confusion for your child.
The emotional repercussions of divorce can be profound, leaving children grappling with feelings of sadness, anger, or even guilt. Witnessing disputes over time-sharing or infidelity can further exacerbate their emotional distress. Strive to maintain a non-hostile environment during this tumultuous period.
By enabling an atmosphere of emotional support, understanding, and open communication, you can help mitigate the emotional toll divorce can take on your children.
"Child's time"
Divorce doesn’t just disrupt the familial structure. It also has a ripple effect on your child’s social life.
Consider the simple joys of childhood:
- sleepovers with friends
- engaging in extracurricular activities
- building a network of companions
These aspects of their life should not be sacrificed due to divorce.
You need to ensure that your children continue to have opportunities for sleepovers, playdates, and involvement in extracurricular activities. By maintaining the “norm” for your children, you help your children maintain a sense of normalcy and stability in a world that suddenly seems much more uncertain and scary.
Protecting “child’s time” ensures that your child’s social development remains intact, providing a crucial support system during this challenging period. This is the time that the children had with parents, family and friends before the dissolution and should remain the same (or as similar as possible) during and after the dissolution.
Shielding your children
Protecting your children from the stressors associated with divorce is a fundamental responsibility. Some of the most popular issues that parents involve children in are the following:
- financial disputes
- emotional conflict
- time-sharing schedules
- litigation issues
- parental disagreements.
Children thrive in settings where they feel safe, loved, and valued. By minimizing exposure to contentious interactions, you can create an atmosphere where your children can continue their development and growth without the emotional baggage often associated with divorce.
Shielding them from these unnecessary stresses allows them to focus on their well-being and future without being burdened by the challenges of the divorce process, which is difficult for adults, imagine the struggle for children who love both of their parents and are literally stuck in the middle.
Collaborative Process: a kinder, private approach
In pursuing a divorce resolution that places compassion, cooperation, and the well-being of all family members at its core, the collaborative process is an alternative to the traditional adversarial process. Collaborative Law seeks to transform divorce into a more humane and constructive experience, especially for children.
Think of this process like a business meeting that has experts guiding the private process (no court interaction) and untying the bonds of marriage (other types of cases are also appropriate for collaborative) instead of tearing them apart. It helps maintain a relationship between the parties so they can co-parent with ease and learn how to problem-solve for the future.
The Goal of the Collaborative Process
A collaborative resolution for your matter extends far beyond the immediate concerns of divorce.
Under Florida law, the primary objective of collaborative law, as outlined in Florida Statutes § 61.56, is to create a post-divorce life that shields your children from unnecessary change and stress. This statute highlights the importance of minimizing the emotional impact on children during divorce proceedings.
The collaborative process empowers you to transition from the tumultuous phase of divorce to one where cooperation, open communication, and constructive problem-solving take center stage, all while prioritizing your children’s best interests. It should be noted that the collaborative process can be utilized for matters that do not have children as well.
The role of collaboratively trained attorneys
Collaboratively trained attorneys serve as guides and facilitators to encourage open communication and problem-solving between both parties. Florida law mandates that these attorneys focus on finding equitable solutions that prioritize the best interests of all family members. In addition to attorneys, who are labeled as “coaches”, there are also mental health and financial neutrals that are part of the team.
By fostering an environment of respect and cooperation, collaboratively trained attorneys help parents navigate the challenging terrain of divorce while minimizing the emotional impact on their children, as stipulated by Florida’s commitment to the best interests of the child standard, found in Florida Statutes § 61.13.
In essence, the collaborative team empowers couples to take control of their case and maintain a more positive, respectful, and child-focused approach to resolution in alignment with Florida’s family law principles.
The power of mediation
Finding amicable solutions during divorce is important, especially when children are involved. Mediation is a powerful tool in achieving that goal.
At Schwam-Wilcox & Associates, mediation is not just a mandatory step, it is a chance to build the foundation for a healthier and more harmonious post-divorce life for you and, most importantly, your children.
Beyond a checklist
Beyond a mere checkbox on your dissolution action to-do list, mediation presents an opportunity to retain control over the decisions that will shape your family’s future. Otherwise, that power belongs to a judge who doesn’t know what situation best suits you, your children, and your ex-partner.
Mediation is a great tool to settle the case or to learn the pitfalls of your case and the other case to help you narrow the issues to prepare for additional negotiations, mediations or trial. Mediation offers a unique opportunity for divorcing parties to retain decision-making power, ensuring that the final agreements reflect your specific needs and concerns.
By opting for mediation, you can avoid relinquishing control to a judge who may not fully comprehend the intricate dynamics of your family situation. In Florida, mediation is required before a matter can be noticed for trial, and some cases take more than one mediation.
With the guidance of a skilled mediator, you and your spouse can collaboratively shape the outcome of your divorce, considering the best interests of your children and the preservation of amicable relations. You can also agree to terms for your settlement that the court would not have the authority to order based on the statutory requirements.
This approach can expedite the resolution process and cultivate an environment of cooperation and mutual understanding, which is paramount when children are involved.
Mediation is not a one-size-fits-all approach.
Whether you and your spouse have amicable relations or a history of conflicts, a skilled mediator can tailor their approach to ensure that both parties feel heard and respected throughout the process.
This flexibility increases the likelihood of reaching mutually agreeable solutions. It sets the stage for a more harmonious co-parenting relationship after the divorce is finalized.
Choosing the right mediator
Choosing a mediator with experience directly relevant to your case’s unique circumstances is important.
Depending on your specific needs, factors you should consider include specialization in areas such as
- tax implications due to equitable distribution
- child custody issues
- marital business
- real estate outside of Florida
- trusts
A mediator’s expertise in these areas can significantly enhance the mediation process by providing insightful guidance and facilitating productive discussions.
Your mediator should act as a neutral party, helping both sides navigate complex issues while ensuring that the needs and concerns of all parties, especially your children, are addressed equitably.
The mediation timeline
Some mediations may conclude in a few hours, and others may require multiple sessions spread over several weeks. Within this timeline, setting mini-goals becomes a helpful strategy to enhance the mediation process and prepare for a potential trial if needed. These goals serve as milestones, helping both parties track progress and reach interim agreements that can pave the way for a smoother and more productive mediation experience.
Establishing your own objectives will helps you mitigate the risk of feeling overwhelmed by the complexity of the issues, allowing for a more manageable and constructive mediation process. It is imperative that you prepare with your attorney before the mediation to ensure that all of your concerns are addressed at the mediation to ensure for a complete and thorough settlement.
Two happy parents, two happy homes
It’s important to shift your focus from conflict to collaboration and create a positive atmosphere in both households. By co-parenting effectively and ensuring that your children have access to the love and support of both parents, you can mitigate the emotional toll of divorce on your children.
It is important to encourage open communication with your co-parent. Make decisions regarding your children’s lives collectively, always considering their best interests. With this mindset your children can continue to thrive, knowing they are cherished in both homes, despite the physical separation of their parents.
Your brighter tomorrow starts today
To embark on a brighter post-divorce journey, reach out to Schwam-Wilcox & Associates.
Attorney Camy Schwam-Wilcox is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator ready to guide you through this challenging and stressful time in your life. Unlock collaborative solutions to secure your family’s well-being and safeguard your children’s future.
In mediation, an experienced mediator and attorney in your corner is the key to success. Attorney Camy Schwam-Wilcox, with her experience as a Mediator, Family Law Practitioner, Guardian Ad Litem and Parent Coordinator can guide parties through discussions while maintaining impartiality.
